so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
