I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
