I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
