Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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