cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
