i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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