I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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