I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
