So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
