1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
