four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
