under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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