If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
