If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
