we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
