we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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