My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
