She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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