Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
