I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
