yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
