Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
