I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The Olympian is in my bed
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
