We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
