Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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