just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
