Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
why do cheetos always look like penises
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize