he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
