can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Randomize
