the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
