ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
3pm strippers are depressing
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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