piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
