We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
