apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
