laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
