My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
