you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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