girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
