i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
