hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize