im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
