Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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