if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
