so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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