just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
