I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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