The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
