he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
