not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize