i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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