i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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