Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
