Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
