I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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