next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
