My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Are we still banned from the library?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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