Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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