wat bout pragnant strippers??
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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