omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
