btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
