obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She's the barista slut.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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