What did we do last night that was yellow?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
