I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
