i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
