I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
