Cold hands, warm shart.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
