so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
