My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
