My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
