I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
