I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
