ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
