my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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