so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
