My first STD was from a foam party
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
