I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The feeling are messing with the penis
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
