The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
