i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Randomize
