yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My friends, they love my intelligence
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
